Bitter-Sweet Calling/Testimony

Well, today was an interesting sunday at church. I took sarahbeth and tj to nursery and primary and then was on my way back to sunday school when brad caught up with me and told me that president archibald wanted to meet with us. so we went into his office and he extended the call of financial clerk in the greensboro branch to brad, and asked us to go to greensboro for the next year and serve down there. I was excited and scared and sad all at the same time. When we first moved here almost two years ago, we went down to give talks in the branch. I really felt we could easily go there, except that there wasn't really a primary or a nursery, and with small children that is definately a neccessity! I've also been growing lax in my own spiritual growth and have been praying for help to strengthen my faith and my testimony... (note to self: be careful in what you pray for!) just kidding... but i know this really is an answer to my prayers. It's funny because last night i was actually thinking about my testimony and thought, well, i can just bear it tomorrow because it's fast sunday, (note to all friends of non-mormon religion, fast sunday is a time when members of the congregation can come up to the pulpit and bear their testimony of the savior Jesus Christ.) But then I thought, I go up there at least 3 times every sunday to lead the music, i don't need to keep going up. Boy do I wish I had, and i wish i had been a little happier while I was leading the last song. Makes me think of life in a way, living every moment as if it was your last... ya know. I don't mean for it to sound morbid, and i really am excited. I just wonder how sarahbeth and tj will do without all their friends and such. Although, they'll get to see sydney and john-evan more, so that will be a plus! :-) Anyways, so back to what i was just saying though, about what i had been praying about, I sometimes find it difficult to stay on my own path of growth with kids and school work, and hubby, and friends, and extended family and yard work and house work and yadda yadda yadda, and then i kinda settle into this thing where i rely more on brad's testimony, like little kids do with their parents. I don't like to do it, and i can totally see that i do. I mean, i love to go to church, and when i'm there, i totally feel and understand what i should do to improve myself. I get all gungho, and (kinda like when i diet too) fail within the first few days, then wait until the next sunday to get to try it all over again... today a young girl, heidi, 17 years old, just baptized a couple of weeks ago got up and bore her testimony. Among the things she mentioned was that after she read the Book of Mormon, and prayed to know if it was true, she said she new without a doubt that it was true. I thought about that, and there are times in my life that i go through this, and think, well i know it's true. there are things that i may not understand... yet, and maybe i never will, but i think about joseph smith, and the first vision. (again, note for non-lds friends, if you need more info ask me, or go to mormon.org for more information) Now, God has not ever appeared to me, nor do i think he'll send an angel to explain things to me, but in some of our lessons in church recently we've discussed possibilities as to why a 14 year old boy received this vision, and i've concluded that part of it is probably because that experience isn't something that he can just explain away or easily forget, making the rest of the work he did here on earth much more real. For example, when he was being tarred and feathered and persecueted time after time after time, he could always lean back on the feelings he had during that experience, because he KNEW that what he was doing was real. does this make any sense? hold on, i'm trying to make a point here. What i'm trying to say in a really long round about way, is that I too have had an experience that i can vividly remember my feelings and when i do get stuck in my plateaus, or even on the downward excilator, then i can recall those thoughts and feelings, that testimony and I can pull it out and lean on it, however small it may be until i am able to get back to where i need to be, because I KNOW it happened and I cannot reason it away, or forget it. So, since I was unable to vocally bear my testimony to our tuscaloosa ward family, I want to write it down now that I DO know that my Heavenly Father loves ME! I know that the spirit whispers confirmation of our calling to my heart and that we have a purpose here in greensboro, whatever that may be (and we may never know what it is, but that's okay too). I know He answers prayers and that we may be the answers to someone elses' prayers. I know the scriptures are important and hold valuble truths and lessons and messages from our Father in Heaven and our Savior. I am greatful for the restoration of the gospel and believe in our current prophet Thomas S. Monson, and am thankful for the teachings of the former prophets too. I am so greatful for the love that the brethren of the church send to us in their words during general conference. and I know that i have purpose in my life (just not sure what it is sometimes :) But I just wanted to bear record of my testimony for you (and no, it doesn't matter that i'm in my own home with noone else around, i still cried while writing it... what a boob i am!)