Where I am proven once again...

Through out this entire process of job-hunting, home hunting, and tenant hunting, I've tried to maintain the attitude of faith... I know my Heavenly Father has always taken care of our family, and I know that we've always had to prove our faith, but sometimes I wonder if he just likes to watch me squrim.

We pack our moving truck in 6 days and pull out in 7... and we still had no one to rent our home... or a home to go to really.  The tenants in the NC were supposed to be out a few weeks ago, then a week later, and then a week later... they assured the landlord that they have a place and would be out, but then they refused to leave until the 8th, which is when their new place would be ready.  but they haven't paid rent in months, and L.L. has been extreemly patient with them, but they just simply refused to leave until they had somewhere else to go.  unfortunately that left us with no-where to go either... but L.L. called me with a plan... a fantastic plan.  He apologized over and over and asked if we would be ok if he put us up in his other property that is their family's personal lakefront home... hmmm, i really didn't have to think hard about that one :)  but it took a bit for brad to take to it... it's not like we really have much of an option.

So that is settled. (for now...sorta, well enough for me anyways...)

And then today we had a family over that is moving here from utah for school, for the next 4 years! and they didn't have much luck finding anything else in town to rent and they want to rent our house!!!! :)

so, in the words of bob marley..."Don't worry, about a thing, cause every little thing, is gonna be alright..."

I hope I have shown the faith and passed this test (maybe not "aced" it... but passed ;) thanks everyone who has had to listen to me moan and groan about all this... and for everyone's prayers!

blah!

how is today going you might ask?

blah!.... blah blah blah blah blah.

but that's ok. we have some fun plans in the works for tomorrow, saturday, and a few more for next week.

I'm trying to figure out how to say goodbye...

(i hate goodbyes...)

reality is starting to set in. there are only 7 more weekdays and 2 more weekends here...

how do i say goodbye to a home that is the only home our kids have known?  a place where we brought home 2 babies! and potty trained 3! a home where 2 of our children learned to walk, 3 learned to open doors and climb on top of counters and even the refrigerator!  a home that has provided us shelter and protection from elements of all kinds physical and spiritual.

how do i say goodbye to friends who have become family, only to leave to a place where i know no-one? friends who have listened to the promptings of the spirit and called or paid a visit precisely when it was needed, or who have given help without being asked?  who have provided great advice, love and devotion to our family?

how do i help our children to say goodbye?  I've been sharing stories and experiences of the times i moved growing up and i think that has helped them... we've been trying to make sure they get a chance to spend last moments with special friends... and getting them excited about a new adventure as a family! they seem happy about that...

so many emotions moving through me that i feel dizzy all the time just trying to figure out what to do next!  I still haven't started the medicine, but on days that i think, yeah, i should start that tomorrow, and then i wake up and  "tomorrow" is great! so then i feel like i can wait another day... i can't decide how much of my "BLAH!" is due to everything else... when i was at a visit with my ob before baby j was born we kind of went over some of the reasons behind depression... new baby, moving, moving to a new state, school change, job change, divorce... brad and i joked that well, except for that last one, we could pretty much check the whole list off... and then we learned of several dear friends and their own divorces or separations in process... so BAM.

So now i have this song in my head... and i think i'll close with that. Hello all!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HBZ8ulc5NTg

because it's been too long...

Happy Day!

This is a Happy Day!

no real reason why.

I have a tendency to get postpartum depression... and it becomes worse after each pregnancy.  I have a funny thing with medicine... we don't work well together... so i'm always cautious about taking anything...

I always feel like there should be SOMETHING really wrong before I would take medicine...

and most times I fell like I "DESERVE" to feel like this...
for example, i think "well, i haven't been very good at saying my prayers lately... it more or less becomes an opportunity for a quick doze rather than a good heart to heart with the One that knows me best."  OR "I haven't read my scriptures lately, or exercised, or made my family a good, healthy meal, or spoke kindly to my children, or... whatever..."

in the past it's taken me to the point of questioning my very existence, and it's usually at that point that i ask for help and get happy pills... it's also at that point that my baby begins to sleep through the night and i get good... i mean REALLY GOOD uninterrupted sleep... i think that may be correlated ;)

this time, with a big move, new state, new job, new baby, new EVERYTHING! i went ahead and got the prescription at my check up apt, and even got it filled.  We also took proactive steps before this baby was born and talked with some close friends who have really stepped in and taken almost every opportunity to help me get the rest and sleep i need. (with 4 young kids, that becomes a huge necessity, my energy really get sucked out all day long!)  and brad has really stepped in and (he is normally a great husband and dad anyways...) but he really has tried to help me in anyway possible.

I have the filled bottle of pills, and even refilled for the next one, but i haven't taken any yet. in fact just this week brad has asked several times "uhm, do you think you'll start those soon?"

but, this last week, the baby has also started sleeping longer at night.  at first it was 6 hours, then 7, then 3 (that was not a good night, but...) then it got to be 8-10 hours at night... in fact last night he went from being fed at 9 pm and slept until 7:45!  let me tell you HOW GOOD THAT FELT!

Yesterday brad said to me, "you seem really happy today.  if everyday were like today, do you think you would need those pills?"

i hope not...

i hope that i can do well to keep up with our home (which if it gets behind i get grumpy anyways...)
i hope that i can do better at my personal things, like praying, scripture study, exercising....
i hope that i can be kinder and more patient with my family...
i hope that i can stress less and live more...

but regardless of what comes and goes...

This is a happy day!