Happy Day!

This is a Happy Day!

no real reason why.

I have a tendency to get postpartum depression... and it becomes worse after each pregnancy.  I have a funny thing with medicine... we don't work well together... so i'm always cautious about taking anything...

I always feel like there should be SOMETHING really wrong before I would take medicine...

and most times I fell like I "DESERVE" to feel like this...
for example, i think "well, i haven't been very good at saying my prayers lately... it more or less becomes an opportunity for a quick doze rather than a good heart to heart with the One that knows me best."  OR "I haven't read my scriptures lately, or exercised, or made my family a good, healthy meal, or spoke kindly to my children, or... whatever..."

in the past it's taken me to the point of questioning my very existence, and it's usually at that point that i ask for help and get happy pills... it's also at that point that my baby begins to sleep through the night and i get good... i mean REALLY GOOD uninterrupted sleep... i think that may be correlated ;)

this time, with a big move, new state, new job, new baby, new EVERYTHING! i went ahead and got the prescription at my check up apt, and even got it filled.  We also took proactive steps before this baby was born and talked with some close friends who have really stepped in and taken almost every opportunity to help me get the rest and sleep i need. (with 4 young kids, that becomes a huge necessity, my energy really get sucked out all day long!)  and brad has really stepped in and (he is normally a great husband and dad anyways...) but he really has tried to help me in anyway possible.

I have the filled bottle of pills, and even refilled for the next one, but i haven't taken any yet. in fact just this week brad has asked several times "uhm, do you think you'll start those soon?"

but, this last week, the baby has also started sleeping longer at night.  at first it was 6 hours, then 7, then 3 (that was not a good night, but...) then it got to be 8-10 hours at night... in fact last night he went from being fed at 9 pm and slept until 7:45!  let me tell you HOW GOOD THAT FELT!

Yesterday brad said to me, "you seem really happy today.  if everyday were like today, do you think you would need those pills?"

i hope not...

i hope that i can do well to keep up with our home (which if it gets behind i get grumpy anyways...)
i hope that i can do better at my personal things, like praying, scripture study, exercising....
i hope that i can be kinder and more patient with my family...
i hope that i can stress less and live more...

but regardless of what comes and goes...

This is a happy day!